When I left for work I gave you a huge list of chores to do. But then I took pity on you, came home early to help you with the chores. I walk into my bedroom, can't believe my eyes! My own son masturbating in my bed! But that's not even the worst part. I see that you're looking at photos, so I pick them up, discover that it's photos of ME you're masturbating to! Wow. We need to deal with this right now, young man. I make you kneel naked on the floor beneath me. While you're down there, I begin to lecture you. Masturbating is perfectly normal, healthy, but it's not normal to masturbate to your mother.